MeghaMom

Sometimes even a writer can't write it better. And so, I offer you this gem that I've lifted from The Makeshift Mom's Facebook page. Happy Mother's Day. If for only a moment, may you find a little corner of the world free from puke, poop, dishes, detergent and tumbling dustbunnies.

Oh, Mother's Day. I can only imagine the masterful plan my husband is whipping up to ensure mine is steeped in sweet stress-squelching bliss. In the meantime, it's my job to ensure all of the mothers in our family experience the ultimate "Awwwww"-worthy experience for their own celebratory day of do-nothingness (finally!). And, since we're hundreds of miles away from our family and delivering hugs from the kids is an impossibility, I figured we'd deliver some hands. I started with some blank cards and envelopes that I picked up from Michael's a while back. Value pack came in counts of 50. First, I thought I'd trace the kids' hands on ornate scrapbook paper, cut them out and Mod Podge them to the front of the card. HmHah. That's funny. Have you ever tried to steady a 6-month-old's hand long enough to trace it with a pencil? Five seconds into the job he was trying to eat the pencil and crinkle the paper between his little snausage fin...

Continued from previous post... It's the day you've been waiting for: baby registry day. A store clerk hands you the scanner wand, a folder of miscellaneous papers about child rearing, coupons for already overpriced items and a list of recommended things the store says you should add to your registry. All the good moms add these items; you're a good mom aren't you? So you take your wand and your enormous prego belly and with a false showing of confidence you pretend to know what you're doing. You scan the shelves trying to remember what your sister/mother/best-friend-who's-a-mom told you as you scout out what you think could possibly maybe be something like what you heard was good that one time. Half way through the first aisle you're totally overwhelmed, and underfed. As you reach into your purse for a granola bar to power yourself through to aisle #2 you can't quiet the questions swimming through your head: Why is a butt thermometer 50 dollars? H...

Continued from previous post ... It's the day you've been waiting for: baby registry day. A store clerk hands you the scanner wand, a folder of miscellaneous papers about child rearing, coupons for already overpriced items and a list of recommended things the store says you should add to your registry. All the good moms add these items; you're a good mom aren't you? So you take your wand and your enormous prego belly and with a false showing of confidence you pretend to know what you're doing. You scan the shelves trying to remember what your sister/mother/best-friend-who's-a-mom told you as you scout out what you think could possibly maybe be something like what you heard was good that one time. Half way through the first aisle you're totally overwhelmed, and underfed. As you reach into your purse for a granola bar to power yourself through to aisle #2 you can't quiet the questions swimming through your head: Why is a butt thermometer 50 dollars? How...

1) I sucked snot out of your nose with my mouth and a tube and just a sad little foam filter between me and a mouthful of... sorry. I'm gagging. I can't finish the thought and hold down my breakfast, but the important thing to know is, if the only thing standing between me and your comfort level is a mouth-powered snot-sucking hose, you can count on me to do it every time. 2) At 2 a.m., I changed your crib sheets and vacuumed your room in hopes it would help rid you of congestion, while you watched, half asleep, from the changing table. Funny, just over a year ago this was about the same time I could be found ordering my last beer and closing down the bar with your father. 3) I thought you may have allergies so I spent all of my special Christmas money I had received as a gift from your Great Grandmother to have the air ducts cleaned - only to see a 0% difference in your level of comfort. And strangely, I can't say that I entirely regret it. 4) I've taken you ...

It's the day you've been waiting for: baby registry day. A store clerk hands you the scanner wand, a folder of miscellaneous papers about child rearing, coupons for already overpriced items and a list of recommended things the store says you should add to your registry. All the good moms add these items; you're a good mom aren't you? So you take your wand and your enormous prego belly and with a false showing of confidence you pretend to know what you're doing. You scan the shelves trying to remember what your sister/mother/best-friend-who's-a-mom told you as you scout out what you think could possibly maybe be something like what you heard was good that one time. Half way through the first aisle you're totally overwhelmed, and underfed. As you reach into your purse for a granola bar to power yourself through to aisle #2 you can't quiet the questions swimming through your head: Why is a butt thermometer 50 dollars? How many gadgets do I need to accessori...

Had a lovely visit with the pediatrician this morning regarding my very congested son. For any mothers whose pediatricians have ever made you feel like a dimly lit lamp post, just know you're not alone.   We had considered giving our son a pet spore for his 4 month birthday, but looks like that's out of the question. After checking my son's lungs the doctor said, "His capacity is at 100%. I mean, that's really as high as it can get." Really? It's a wonder I made it through college not knowing 100 was the national standard. As a solution he mentioned wood floors as an option (you know, if I didn't want to vacuum). But the Claritin prescription seemed like the lesser of two expenses.

So, my 4-month-old son is 3 weeks into daycare. So every day I was labeling his bottles and bottle bags and caps and whatnots with a permanent marker. And by permanent I mean permanent until it washes off in the dishwasher. Ironically, I needed another more permanent solution. I toyed around online for a while looking at some fancy labels that were overly expensive for what they were. Then I went to etsy and found these . I got to choose from a variety of different designs and they fit on his bottles quite nicely. Not to mention their adorability (I made that word up). I can't speak to their durability just yet, but I bet it'll be better than the not-so-permanent marker. And at around $10, you really can't miss.

Saw these bad boys on Pinterest. And with McDonald's Shamrock Shakes back on the menu for spring, I thought these may stave off the craving. As if these being homemade made them any less fat curdling. Could I possibly just happen to have all the ingredients? Unimaginable. It must be a sign. Turns out the sign said, HEADLINE: "Never make these again" and SUBHEAD: "Where did my Saturday go?" The wait time between layers sucked the time out of my day. And when they were finished, there was way more frosting than brownie. And the family had a major hankering for brownies. That said, they did cut up very nicely. They would've looked fabulous plated if I didn't bring them straight into work (after giving our 9-year-old one for lunch). And so, the MeghaMom Scale shook down like this: Time: D- Presentation: A Taste: B+ (If you like decadent desserts that are almost too much taste to have in your mouth all at once, I would hedge this to an A-. Oh, a...

You know the feeling you get when you have a really amazing idea, so you throw your back into realizing your brilliant vision for what promises to be the very rock-er-ific party of all time. "The kids will be talking about this for MONTHS," you think as you order your fourth PS3 Move remote, second 4-foot black light, black light hair spray, black light makeup, glow bracelets, black light glitter body gel and glow-in-the-dark lip gloss from the internet. "Oh, their great surprise when they see these glowing black light balloons, neon posters, flashing star accents, disco lights, strobe lights and nightclub-like sofa set-ups. Not to mention their inability to resist this salavation station smattered with popcorn (in individual tubs!), cake pops, ice cream cake, peanut m&ms, regular m&ms, sweet tart party mix, adorable mini pop cans, pizza, breadsticks and MORE." Yah. That was the first 20 minutes of this party. Then we turned on the new PS3 Dance game. The ...