Things I want my son to know when he's 16 and peeling out of the driveway in his father's nice car with his hair-flipping gum-chewing girlfriend in the front seat.
1) I sucked snot out of your nose with my mouth and a tube and just a sad little foam filter between me and a mouthful of... sorry. I'm gagging. I can't finish the thought and hold down my breakfast, but the important thing to know is, if the only thing standing between me and your comfort level is a mouth-powered snot-sucking hose, you can count on me to do it every time. 2) At 2 a.m., I changed your crib sheets and vacuumed your room in hopes it would help rid you of congestion, while you watched, half asleep, from the changing table. Funny, just over a year ago this was about the same time I could be found ordering my last beer and closing down the bar with your father. 3) I thought you may have allergies so I spent all of my special Christmas money I had received as a gift from your Great Grandmother to have the air ducts cleaned - only to see a 0% difference in your level of comfort. And strangely, I can't say that I entirely regret it. 4) I've taken you