I'm trying not to give you cancer.
Kids, I'm trying not to give you cancer. I just want you to know. For the love of brown apples and bud-riddled potatoes, dammit, I'm trying with all the mom-love I have in me to spare you. From what I gather, it's a losing battle. I refuse to believe that people want to give you cancer - carelessly smattering our household goods with body-rocking chemicals. I do believe, though, that people are competitive. And in this competitive market where shelf-space comes at a premium, I believe people who own products - simple products like apples and potatoes, or more complex ones like detergent and wet wipes - find it difficult to gain an edge on their competitors. So they try to make their product better by creating a "problem" with the product that most consumers didn't even know existed. Apples turn brown when you cut them. To most, that's not a problem; that's just the nature of an apple. Potatoes grow buds. To most, that's not a problem; that...